


Farewell Letter

by space_ally



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I don't really know what this is or how to tag, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, M/M, Pain, Probably alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 20:33:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11767836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_ally/pseuds/space_ally
Summary: "It was no fairytale, I shouldn’t have hoped for 'They lived happily ever after' and I kinda just hoped for 'And they lived'."





	Farewell Letter

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend not listening to ELO's Mr. Blue Sky while reading except if you're into emotional torture.

I can’t decide whether I’m just really really mad at you, me or the entire world.

Our life was never a fairytale. Why did I ever felt like it could become one?

It was no fairytale, I shouldn’t have hoped for „They lived happily ever after“ and I kinda just hoped for „And they lived“.

I didn’t want to take a stroll down these stupid lanes at night watching the light reflecting on the water, I didn’t want to bake some damn cookies or kiss bad dreams away.

I didn’t hope to introduce you to my parents, well, how could I, they are dead just like everyone we’ve known.

I lost you and I found you or was it the other way around, I can’t remember everything‘s gotten kinda blurry and there was so much shit we got through.

The thing is, you felt so familiar. You were home.

And there were times I thought I lost you and nights I hated you but also days, nights, weeks and years you kissed me stupid and held my hand like the fucking sap you are and told me about our future and when I told you you meant the world to me you laughed at me but your eyes, your damn eyes they were magnificent and one look from you and you’d get through pulling the most stupid things.

And you made me listen to these awful songs about heartbreak and healing and love and stuff two dudes really shouldn’t spent their time on, you have any idea how gay you are? And you know how grateful I am for that?

There was this specific period of time we kinda just lived next to each other and we talked and we talked and we talked and it was so familiar because you were you and I suppose this sounds stupid as hell but we also listened to this stupid old music you never wanted to dance to but we danced at least this time because we kinda came back from the dead and now we’re basically old people but I’ve never seen such an attractive 90 year old.

Who am I kidding, I can’t even remember my own age, you’re probably around 140 years old and I never knew.

Thing is, you gave me no chance to find out because it was one thing we never stopped talking but we also never stopped fighting, fighting for the world but also with each other and sure we didn’t shoot guns at each other except at least once we did, do you have any idea how mad you can make people?

Always the self-sacrificing asshole, putting the entire world before himself but you know, you kinda put the entire world in front of me as well.

And I couldn’t even blame you for that because I fell for you just the way you are even back in the 1940s when both of us couldn’t really determine what love was.

People told stories about us but I never listened until once I did and I bet you didn’t listen to them either or you did and that’s why you were always comforting, such a sweet voice whispering sweet things only meant for you and me but the words of the people were never sweet and we wouldn’t ever admit it but they hurt and I saw it in your eyes and you probably saw it in mine as well because guess what you also read me like a damn book.

We didn’t even need to be soulmates we were just instantly drawn to each other and none of us left well that’s kind of a lie because we both left and we came back.

People kept telling stories and even the ones that weren’t bad always failed to mention something. No doubt they had a thing for your pretty face and I can’t blame them because you are my pretty face.

No what they kind of forgot was the thing that made me fall for you too hard, the prettiest thing about you.

I’m listening to your stupid ass music while writing this and I just want you to know you have an awful taste in music and you can’t sing for shit, okay, seriously, it’s been so long, I heard you sing all the time and it always made me feel like jumping off a building.

We both know it wouldn’t kill me but there was still a chance it would permantly hurt my hearing so I would be spared.

It’s a little ironic how I would sell my soul just to hear you sing another one of your awful songs again.

Your heart. It was your heart.

I’m so pissed at you I feel like wrecking this entire place with all these memories around, wreck it until there is nothing left, not one bit, reminding me of you, of my pretty boy, of the love of my life, my world.

I never liked Captain America, did you know? Of course you did. Yet you thought I’d follow him into every battle. I never did.

I followed Steve fucking Rogers, the skinny kid from Brooklyn into every battle, I gave my everything to Steve Rogers and it was Captain America who took him from me.

You might wonder what this is and honestly I can’t tell you maybe because you are not here but I am but hopefully not for long anymore. Because if this is Captain America reading this, I’m just letting you know, I’m following that skinny kid from Brooklyn for one last time.

 

Til the end of the line,

Bucky Barnes

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a good explanation for this, I don't even know what it's supposed to be but it kinda was there and when I read it I cried? 
> 
> Comments are appreciated. Also I'm really scared of Cap possibly dying in Infinity War. Any thoughts on that matter? Leave a comment here, scream at me on twitter (@ajayalive) or scream with me on tumblr (http://plaid-n-flannel.tumblr.com)


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